September 30th 2026

Be your word, or don't speak

Be your word, or don’t speak

Several months ago, I met with a bright, ambitious young man. The conversation was energetic and engaging.

Almost all of my meetings these days have one agenda: to open a conversation and explore mutual opportunities. The keys are “open” and “mutual”. The opportunities are not defined. They could be anything from finding a like-minded soul, to contributing to each other’s work, to learning, supporting and sharing.

Mutual means both parties benefit from the exchange. Nothing is extracted; something grows between us.

Open means I show up neutral, available and accessible. Ideally, the other party is open as well, but I can’t control that. I can only be open and engage.

This young man wanted to introduce me to a number of people. He wrote names down in his phone. He volunteered this. I hadn’t asked, and I was delighted by his generosity.

He said he would get back to me that evening.

I never heard from him again, despite emailing him several times.

I suspect you may have had a similar experience.

The question is, have you been this person? Have you promised something voluntarily, and then not delivered?

Why promise? Why go to the trouble of writing a list and naming a time? Even if he couldn’t do it that night, why not have the decency to answer my emails honestly, even if the truth was that he no longer felt aligned? (The real truth is likely more complex, and beyond his current self-awareness and courage.)

In my experience of him, a bright, ambitious young man became someone I could not rely on. When our paths cross again, and it is a small world, so they will, he will have ground to make up to get back to zero in my trust. Until he proves he can be his word, I won’t be endorsing him.

Trust is the living tissue of every healthy system: a business, a community, a network. Each promise kept strengthens it. Each promise dropped, however small, quietly erodes it, and the cost is carried by everyone connected to it, not just the two people involved.

Our word, and the actions that back it, are our brand. They are also our contribution to the field we all share. Don’t say you will do something unless you will. If you can’t, say so. An honest “no” regenerates trust, while a silent “yes” depletes it. It’s that simple.

Written 5th. September 2013

Published September 30th 2026. Photo taken September 30th 2023